Friday 31st January: 1/12th

The year is already one twelfth gone? How on earth did that happen?

I thought that I would reflect on the past month and see how far I have completed my resolutions! So, this month has been a good month in general, I think. I have definitely seen an improvement in my grades, especially in French, and school has been good this month. This has also been the month of shopping, I bought an iPad mini, and Urban Outfitters bag, and a whole host of Topshop goodies. 

My resolution of this blog has been difficult to meet, simply because I am often too tired or lazy to write every night. Nevertheless, there has been a post on here for each day in January, which I am proud of. 

Thursday 30th January: Reminders of Bad Results

Nobody likes getting bad results, but everyone has recieved at least one. Most people forget them, and move on, but for the people like me with a strange memory and an extreme guilt monitor, bad grades don't sit well, and they don't sit well for ages.

With every bad grade comes shame, regret and a stack of guilt because I haven't done better. Trying to forget bad grades is made even harder in my circumstance due to a pushy parent who never fails to remind me of my grades whenever I have failed to revise for a test, or am doing last minute stuff. Yes, I am aware that I got the bad grade, but I don't need to be reminded of it in every waking second of my life, I already think about my shifty mistakes enough. 

Wednesday 29th January: Topshop

I don't understand Topshpop.

Topshop is a shop that seems too target the 'hipster' market, and yet it is possibly the most commercial shop in the entire UK. Nearly everybody owns Topshop clothing, and if they don't, they have definitely heard of the shop. However, their style of clothing appeals exclusively to the alternative, out-of-the-mainstream skinny youth with somebody else's money to spend. 

I just fail to see how the shop can still be alternative if it is one of the most popular shops in England. 

Tuesday 28th January: After School Hour

I detest the idea of routine, but somehow I am settled into one daily habit that I can't shake. 

Each day when I arrive home from school I know that I have an hour and forty minutes until the rest of my family gets back. Maybe I could spend this quiet time working? And yet each day I first find myself reaching into the cupboards looking for a snack. 

Next we move to the sofa, to 'rest after the hard day', where I become attached to an episode of Hawaii Five-0, a detective show conveniently aired so that I can watch almost an entire episode after school. 

My last routine habit involves me running to the table to commence work at 4:40, the give the illusion that I have been hard at work for the last hour and a half.

Yep, my life everybody. 

Monday 27th January: Nigella Lawson

I love Nigella Lawson's recipes. Her food is always delicious, especially tye sweet treats. But I have a massive issue with her TV show.

Her older episodes were entertaining, but as she became more popular, the producers really tapped into the 'sexy' older woman idea, and now she is clearly made to be somewhat of a wanton woman. Her kitchen is totally red, and at the end of each episode we see her come downstairs in a silky robe finding a midnight snack. To be honest, I actually pity the fact that this makes her look really greedy.

Not only does her voice grate on me, but the language that she uses is riduliculous. She spouts an unbelievable amount of bullshit made up words, but her convincing tone makes them seem real. And she does not need to use the word scrumptuous every five minutes.

The final thing that irks me about her show, though it is no fault of her own, is the filming. The set is very dark, and the camera is so zoomed in that it must follow every movement around, leading to a shaky screen image that undoubtably gives  me a headache each time that I watch.

Come on Nigella: I love you, but I can't take your show any longer.

Sunday 26th January: A Note To French Examiners

French is genuinely my favourite A Level. A lot of people told me that I was crazy for taking a language, but I enjoy it so much; I like learning new things, instead of just relearning what I have already been taught(ahem...geography). 

However, one thing that I cannot stand is the essay topics. Some of the listening questions are entertaining, especially those where guys talk about 'girl problems' and dating, but the essay topics are so bizarre. One topic I have received was about 'the phenomenon of the shopping spree,' another was on the 'importance of holidays'. I wish they were about topics that I have actual opinions about, as I have no issue with writing the essay, I just wish that I had something to say.

Saturday 25th January: Avicii, True

Swedish DJ and music producer Avicii has truly blown me away with his debut album True, released in 2013.

The album, peaking in the top five album charts in 14 countries, features Avicii's always catchy dance tunes with multiple layered synths and vocals from a plethora talented, and often 'undiscovered' singers. Many of his featured vocals are unaccredited, which I personally think is a shame, as all of the singers in the album are heavenly to listen to. My favourites include Karen Marie Ørsted(or MØ, as is her stage name)'s vocals in the song Dear Boy, and Peter Dyer featuring in a few of the album tracks.

Avicii labels Wake Me Up, the best selling single from True, as a fun experiment, and it could be said that this description holds true for the rest of the album. This full-length album contains 12 creative sons which all have their steady beat, and light drop in common, as well as their steady, foot tapping rhythms.

Avicii has successfully explored different genres of music in this album, moving away from just electronic and house music, and including samples from genres such as country. Avicii's music has become globally popular thanks to the release of this album, and I hope to see many more of his tracks released on the same, or even better talent level and gaining the same commendation as this incredible album in the future.

Friday 24th January: Justin Bieber Arrest

Yesterday Justin Bieber was arrested for driving under influence and drag racing.

Many people do stupid things, such as the crimes that Justin Bieber has done, but when you're Justin Bieber, you shouldn't be doing them. Justin Bieber has one of the biggest followings on the planet; his social media is often the most popular, on many different platforms, and his 'beliebers' are all over the world, not to mention the great number of people who are influenced by him, and who hear about his activities, whether they be beliebers or not.

Somebody with that big an influence should be a role model, not implying that it is okay to drive under influence.

I think that nowadays Bieber knows that he is 'untouchable' and that whatever he does will have no serious consequence, for him anyway. One thing I do not understand is how his fans can support him and 'pray for his release from jail' after his actions could have seriously injured someone. If an ordinary guy had been DUI, most people would agree that punishment and jail time should be enforced, but if that person if Justin Bieber, the game changes and suddenly that crime is acceptable.

Not only did Bieber get arrested, an additional $25 000 has been added to his bail fine because he was 'too horny' to wait until his bail to masturbate, so he just did it in his cell. As much as this irks me, I think the worst thing about Bieber's entire jail fiasco is the fact that he is smiling in his mugshot.

Stop smiling mate, you could have killed someone.

Thursday 23rd January: Justin Bieber

In 2010 I fell in love with Justin Bieber.

I had always hated Justin Bieber. I thought that he was arrogant, that he couldn't sing and that he looked like a twelve year old. That is until I went to see his documentary/movie and I couldn't help myself form thinking that he was extremely talented and I just fell in love with his music and the fact that singing had made him so successful. I think part of the reason that I liked him so much was because he made me realise that I could so literally anything that I wanted to do, and that I shouldn't let wealth or background get in the way.

So I bought his albums, all of them, listened to him non stop and I even went to his concert! There also exists somewhere, a very old twitter account of mine that features about 80% of the people I followed writing Bieber fan fictions.

But then something changed. I am not really sure when it happened, but I think it had something to do with me taking down all of my posters in my room; I just didn't love him anymore. I didn't listen to his music, he was maturing and doing idiotic things for attention and I couldn't help from thinking that it was all a stunt to become more famous; the 'bad boy Bieber.'

Now whenever I see pictures of think about Justin Bieber I only feel sad that he has almost created a reputation for himself, when all he needed to do was produce good music.

Wednesday 22nd January: Feeling Shitty

Some days are just so shitty that you actually begin to reevaluate life. Today was one of those days.

I did no school work, because I am queen of procrastination, and then when I attempted to do some, I got so tired and overwhelmed with the amount that I have to do that I couldn't bring myself to do any.

Today was also a laptop day:
         definition ~  getting your laptop out in order to do actual work, and then spend all day refreshing social media and wasting your time.

To top it all off, mum was accusing me of things that I haven't even done, which resulted in a shouting match, and now my voice is sore.

The shitty days come about once every two weeks now, maybe even more often, it depends on my workload. School and family are such stress causers and I just have no idea how to deal with them.

Tuesday 21st January: Back Pains

I am not old. I should not be getting back pain.

I guess it is not really a 'bad back' as much as tingling back pain in about twenty minute periods. My back aches when I wake up, sit up, or lie down. I kind of get tingling around my back muscles and shoulders and then it goes to my lower back, especially when I am lying down. As much as this is a woe is me post, I think I could pinpoint to exact causes of my back pain; bad posture and the internet.

The bad posture and the internet are most probaly related, being that I often find myself slouching in from of my laptop for hours at a time. When I go to lie down, my body takes a few minutes to adjust to the straightness, so I often end up lying slightly curled, sort of rocking in the air until I can relax onto my bed. Oh the entirely self-inflicted first world problems of my life.

Monday 20th January: Taking Chances

As soon as I read the topic title for today, I thought of Lea Michele belting out Taking Chances on an episode of much-loved Glee. For me, taking chances has always been a hard thing to do. 

I am definitely the kind of person who thinks about the consequences. Sometimes I blurt out statements without thinking, but usually I only do something if it will have the consequences that I desire, or that I don't hate. That is why I am a person who is afraid of 'cringy situations' and moments that will be 'awkward'; I can't stand the idea of being embarrassed (which is odd considering I'm quite an embarrassing person). I think it's because I don't really like to draw attention to myself. Whilst I'm not shy, I am also not going to make outlandish statements or doing stupid inks to get attention. 

A consequence of not wishing to attract attention is that I rarely take chances. I think I'm in love with the idea of being the kind of person who lives life as it comes, and seems truly free. But I could never be that person; every action I do is accompanied with thoughts of the future and the rest of my life. It is actually rather crippling.

I want to take more chances. I think starting small is the best way-take chances of what to order at a restaurant and what nail polish to wear before moving onto going out and living a crazy life. Taking more chances can only be a good thing, I hope.

Sunday 19th January: Brooklyn Nine Nine

After binge watching thirteen episodes of the show Brooklyn Nine Nine, I can safely say that it is a good show. I am not usually one for police shows; I like some detective shows, but series like The Bill normally don't get me excited. However, the combination of a witty and hilarious Andy Samberg, who is a legend in my eyes for forming The Lonely Island, and his various useless coworkers make the show funny and not as oppressive as many other police dramas.  

The show is mainly centered around Samberg and his relationship with the new head of police in his precinct, a man who resents Samberg's immature style. Other office members include a dorky guy who is hopelessly in love with the threatening Rosa, a useless and yet brilliant office assistant and an emotional unstable, and 6'5" tall, hench police manager who becomes emotional about his children or his fear of holding a gun. The witty one liners and the clear attraction between Samberg and a female coworker/rival Santiago, a woman who is in constant need of attention from the head of police, to whom she sucks up tremendously, create an enjoyable and fast paced show which is easy to watch and is guaranteed to entertain. 

With an incredible 6.17 million viewers watching the first episode air, Brooklyn Nine Nine is sure to keep us all entertained as the season continues.

Saturday 18th January: Sheets

I imagine that my current student status has some influence on my feelings about this topic, which I'm sure will change in the future(when I won't care), but sheets of paper are the bane on my life. 

I'm not intending to sound overdramatic here, but I get so much anxiety from sheets it is actually unreal. Every sheet, unlike with a book or a notepad, is loose and therefore it is more likely to be lost. On top of that, sheets often rip and unless you spend all of your money on plastic wallets, once it falls out of your folder, and the tiny hole punches are broken, you won't be able to save it. I think the biggest annoyance about sheets for me are those little lines that they provide for you to write your answers on. The lines are always little dots and it drives me mad! My writing just looks sloppy on those lines. 

Sheets are quickly taking over my life, nonetheless. At least once a week I have to have a 'sheet sorting' few hours to just get my shit together, and it sucks. But what sucks more is probably the fact that I have so many negative things to say about sheets that are there help my learning. I respect you sheets, but I fucking hate you at the same time.

Friday 17th January: Binge Watching

Binge watching tv shows is a recently named phenomenon that has been around since the invention of online tv show sharing. It involves a person finding, and then devouring an entire series of a particular show, usually in a short amount of time, and almost always one after the other. 

I have fallen victim to binge watching episodes many a time, including an entire four seasons of Community in a long weekend, Game Of Thrones series one, 90210 seasons one and two and Brooklyn Nine Nine. I don't necessarily see a problem with binge watching, apart from strained eyes from staring at a computer screen for hours, or the fact that it is the ultimate procrastination tool: because once you watch one, you have to finish the season.  But if you happen to have a couple of spare days, binge watching tv can be the best thing that will ever happen to you. 

Remember, binge watching only gets the best of us. 

Thursday 16th January: Jack Wills

Year 8 was the year of Jack Wills. I can still remember going into Jack Wills to buy my first thing from them, in the February half term from school. It was a blue top with the name written in blood oink on the front. It cost me £36 and Mum paid for half of it. I think the main attraction of enshop then was the fact that it was 'designer' because it was more expensive, and that it looked super preppy and university casual cool. 

Since that moment, I have made many more Jack Will purchases. Most for the clothes design themselves, but some because I have tried to buy into the entire Jack Wills image and lifestyle. Back in those year 8 days, buying something from Jack Wills made you someone elite and someone important. In year 9/10 more and more Jack Wills began to appear at school and around and about. Suddenly, it wasn't exclusive anymore. By the time year 11 rolled around, Jack Wills was an embarrassing symbol of the chavs and chavettes that wore it. 

As much as I love some of their clothes, I cannot say that a lot of my money is spent there; except from on bags. Their bags are amazing quality and hold everything without breaking, wholly reccomend! But the trouble with Jack Wills is that it is another shop destined to become places with no fashion influence and no influence from fashion- the styles are similar but with different colour for different season, to give the illusion of change, which is something that must change in order for Jack Wills to have the same allure as it did to my little year 8 self. 

Wednesday 15th January: Straighteners

The obvious connotations of the phrase straightening my hair are those of slicked down, lank, thin hair, dead and burned ends, and a general Joe Jonas look circa 2008. 

However, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I got my straighteners as an 11th birthday present from my mum. They still remain the most expensive 'beauty item' that I own, but this year is my sixth year of owning them.  I like the versitility of having straighteners, as I can use them to curl my hair also, and I can change from my normal mane to an overall smarter, and prettier, sleek look. 

Tuesday 14th January: Hot Air Balloons

Every year Bristol has a hot air balloon festival. On one of the days all of the balloonists take a flight during the sunrise, and the balloons can be seen, in their thousands, for miles. 

I love hot air balloons. I have never ridden in one, but I like the idea that you can travel without being fully enclosed, like you can actually be in the sky. Hot air balloons are such pretty objects, and their patterns and different baskets allows them to all be unique, which I love. 

However, I am slightly scared of the fact that there is an open flame very close to your head, that there is gas being burned, and that there are no seatbelts. I just have this impression in my mind of what an experience with a hot air balloon would be like; flying in a secure way first, with ropes attached to the ground, and then being released, and floating along in the air to wherever we pleased.

Hot air ballooning is a life resolution, and one that I hope to achieve soon. The hot air balloon festival is in august, and each year I miss it; maybe this year I will get to go.

Monday 13th January: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ask me again in two years. Or ten. 

Idly flicking through Facebook earlier brought me to a status from a girl in my year who had just applied for tha army. That really made me think; the army isn't something that tone enters onto lightly, how did she know that she wanted that for herself? As much as it is disputed by the teenagers themselves, they are fickle people. How can someone who doesn't know whether to put butter or chocolate spread on toast decide their entire future?

I never had one of those typical childhood dream jobs. I would have liked to have been a performer, maybe a singer  or something, but I was never an astronaut kid or a ballerina kid. Being herded through secondary school and logged onto careers programs dictated that I was suited to a creative career, something which I cannot dispute for I can see myself doing this. 

In recent years I have thought that a career in an English related area, such as journalism, could be for me. However, one thing is for certain, every time I tell my family about my 'career goals' or even job ideas I feel like they take them over. My mum becomes controlling and starts to look out for university courses in that field and asks her colleagues for tips, and as much as I can appreciate her intentions, her whole involvement just bundles more pressure onto me about achieving that certain job title. 

For the greater part of last year, I had myself convinced that a career as a lawyer is what I wanted. Again, my mum was the one who really pushed this idea: she convinced me that a law degree would be beneficial in all fields and that it's a great qualification to have. I couldn't argue with that, and before long I was researching Oxford law admissions, and imagining myself as a lawyer. That is until I realised that law was not something that brings me joy. I have never felt happy thinking about laws or rule dictating, and to be frank, the idea of paper pushing in an office so that a bunch of CEOs can get out of bad contracts makes me feel physically sick. Clearly law is not for me.

So what now? I think that a passion for writing my opinions coupled with unbearable wanderlust has lead me to one career path: travel columnist. I am a human with a easily changeable mind, so this career choice for when I grow up may only last a few months, but at the moment it is soundingositive and sounding like something that will make me happy. 

After all, I think career choices and life choices in general come down to this: should I make choices based on how successful I wish to be or on how happy? 

Right now, happiness is trumping success because if I am to be working, I want so desperately to be the kind of person who loves coming into work on a Monday morning.

Sunday 12th January: 2014 Resolutions

Last year I started the year with a long and quite specific list of things that I wanted to do in 2013. I am quite ashamed to say that I didn't keep all of them, especially as some of them weren't even that difficult. 

2014 is going to be an interesting year, I'm sure, and probably a very busy one, but I want to still make resolutions, even if they are just lifted from last years set. I want to finally buy a mac lipstick, I want to go to London Zoo, I want to stop being cringed out by everything(I have a cringe issue) and just go with it and laugh. My main resolution of 2014 will be this online collection of my thoughts, to be perused by a thirty year old me later in life. Hopefully I can keep it up, but the end of this year will tell.

Saturday 11th January: Online Shopping

The ease of online shopping makes it an activity that invites us all to join and frequently has us parting with our money.

I have only recently started getting into online shopping after buying a few items, mostly books, online from Amazon. I have my own debit card, and since I am now earning money, my account is filling up. Online shopping is an appealing concept because you cannot see how much money you're spending, unlike when handing over cash, so you can purchase items without feeling guilty. Additionally, in an unconscious effort to be forever procrastinating, I often find myself perusing the online shopping market, and especially the sales. 

Before I realised what was happening, I had ordered myself an iPad mini, a new bag, a skirt, blouse and a coat. I don't feel guilty, exactly, for my online spending, as it was my own money, after all. But I do know that I won't be buying anything on that card for a while.

Friday 10th January: Sleep

Sleep is incredibly important to human beings. We rely on sleep to keep our body's energised and to allow our organs to have a rest. Or eight hours of rest.

I love sleeping, but I cannot really say much about it as I generally don't remember being asleep. I like dreaming, and recalling my dreams upon waking up, and if love lying in my bed. No one can deny that sleep is a good thing, especially for the purple shadows that are beginning to appear under my eyes, but one main problem that I have is the ability to fall asleep. 

I cannot sleep in cars, planes, chairs, standing up, with my eyes open, during the day, with the light on or whilst listening to music. For me, falling asleep involves me lying in my bed for forty minutes contemplating random things and general philosophical questions, of course, until I can't remember carrying on or until I have to close my eyes(I have dry eyes syndrome and blepharitis so my eyes always feel dry) and I don't remember to open them. 

Oh sleep, why can't you come easy for me?

Thursday 9th January: Bubble Baths

The relaxing idea of a bubble bath with foaming water and a soft, candle-lit glow has always appealed to me. However, I have never been able to execute it.

I was denied the candles by my mother due to my obvious 'retardishness' with anything hot/burning, and quite frankly, I get very sweaty in bubble baths. One might think that the water would cool you but for me, it makes me flustered and hot. Prune fingertips are also a negative as well as the fact that you have to stand up and go in the shower to wash your hair after having a bath, so you may as well have skipped the bath all together. 

These are merely minor annoyances blown out of proportion by my over exaggerated sarcasm, but the one thing that I cannot abide is the sound created when the bubbles pop. Lying down in the bath suddenly becomes hell and you have nowhere to escape to, you simply have to sit there and listen to the Rice Krispies of bathtubs without the benefit of eating tasty cereal. 

Wednesday 8th January: What is the best thing that happened to you this week?

It's only Wednesday, but let's ignore that fact right now. 

 I find it really hard to pick 'best' things or 'favourites' because I can often see the bad points of something as well as the good points. I don't have a favourite moment, but I can think of a few good things. 

Handing in my English literature coursework was a brilliant moment because I have now gotten rid of the nagging thought of needing to write it. My free periods this week have been pretty good; I laughed until I cried in one of them and in the other, I had a lovely chat with a friend about life and family. My conversations with a foreign friend have also been hilarious this week as they involved despicable me minions and endless emoticons of shit. 

My life, everybody. 

Tuesday 7th January: Clocks

I have found that clocks bring out many different emotions. For me, clocks are calming and I like the soothing repetition of the ticking, but they also remind me of time that is passing and that really freaks me out. For others, clocks are annoying and the ticking grates on them until they have to remove the batteries. I have even had to hide a ticking clock before because a friend didn't like the noise. 

Clocks can also come in many different forms: an alarm clock, possibly the most hated clock of all time, to a huge and extravagant clock like Big Ben, which 'symbolises' Britain as a nation on all of those quaint British patterned items. The exam clock is another bully to us all, and the stop watch, but I think that perhaps the most hated of all clocks is the invisible one that governs time. You can stop a clock by taking out its batteries, but you can't stop time from carrying on even if you are not going; the fact that you can only have so many ticks is something that frightens me immensely. 

Monday 6th January: Libraries

I feel like Belle from Beauty and the Beast whenever I go to the library, although our public libraries aren't nearly that cool. 

I love to read, especially young adult novels, and I love free things: the library is a place to borrow books for free, and I'm all over it. It does creep my over sensitive about hygiene mind  little bit because of all of the used books, and frankly, libraries smell disgusting, but I love the idea that so many other people have enjoyed the same books. We are all brought together by a love of the same authors, genres and stories; I like that the art of storytelling is so universal and accessible to all. 

I like that in a place that is so public, we can all leave with a different interpretation of the same tale, and a unique view of a story. Someone left a note in a library book that I borrowed once, and it made me feel so involved in the story and the fact that others have enjoyed it too. 

I personally feel that all libraries should arrange their books in a similar fashion to my own bookcase: rainbow colour order, but even without the brightness of book covers, there is always something to smile about in the library(even if it is just at the cute old people).  

Sunday 5th January: Would you be willing to reduce your lifespan by 10 years to become rich or famous?

Yes. Definitely.

The average lifespan is about 75, I'm a girl, so it's longer, and medicine is improving every day, so I would say that. Even without an extra ten years, my life would be pretty long. Plus, when you're old you can't do as much, so I would rather live my years to the fullest than have an extra ten years sitting on a sofa watching tv. 

Being famous is a pretty standard, childish dream for nearly everyone, but it is not the fame that I would want. With fame comes publicity, and then intrusion and then your life would not be your own anymore. I would want to be rich so that I could spend the money of living how I wanted. I would travel and see all of the places that I desire, fill the entire map if I wanted to. I would set my family up with a lifestyle that suits them, and then I would just go crazy.

Who needs ten years being old if you can have 40+ crazy years living with no worries or responsibilities?

Saturday 4th January: Eating Greens

Eating greens has never been a big issue for me. I either ate them or I refused to eat them, all depending on the 'green' of course. 

Something that still bemuses me if whether 'eating greens' refers to all vegetables or just green ones; are we supposed to leave out carrots or aubergines simply because they are not green? This expression is very much American and so I do not fully understand the concept. I assume the idea of 'eating greens' comes from the obvious, desperate need to eat five fruit and veg a day mixed with a condescending parental tone that suggests that eating greens will be fun.

Greens such as lettuce, broccoli and cabbage have always been some of my favourite vegetables. In primary school my favourite part of Wednesday's roast dinner hot lunch was the boiled cabbage, and stir-fry chili broccoli is one of my favourite dishes. I even love brussel sprouts (to be honest, I don't fully understand the fuss everyone makes about them...). But there are some little leafy, pathetic food that I can not abide: take spinach, or rocket lettuce, oh how I despise them. Rocket makes me feel like my mouth is slowly burning and spinach is such a strange texture, almost thick, that it takes a very long time to force down, and for what? An unsatisfied stomach. No thanks. 

I like vegetables, but in my own way please.

Friday 3th January: 2013

2013 started with a crazy night of partying on Waterloo Bridge (...with my mum) to welcome in the year by watching the fireworks. I remember the atmosphere being incredible; it was definitely one of the coolest things I did in 2013. 

The next four months consisted of my passing three science exams and hurriedly trying to finish my art projects to be handed in. Completing my art coursework has been one of my proudest moments - not because of the 'fantastic' quality of my art, but because I pulled myself up from the pile of shit that I had been in in Year 10 and worked my ass off to finish that portfolio. I was also vegetarian for a whole year (March 2012-13), finishing at the very end of March, in order to 'save some animals'. When my vegetarianism had been going on for one year, I decided to take up the new challenge of a year long journal (one which I am still writing in!).

Most of April consisted of procrastination, but I did go to my first ever house party, which I was freaking out about: I had a great time (I tried not to show how 'cool' I felt😃), and have since been to a few more. At the end of April I had an interview for a tutoring job, which I got, and I am still working there. I feel really chuffed that I am their only employee who was hired before getting their GCSE results and before turning 16! 

The months of May and June were dominated by exams; I am glad that I finally sorted my revision technique - mind maps of tonnes of information. Around the middle of June I had a falling out with Hazel about a trip to the zoo (it was one of my 2013 resolutions) because she had already agreed to go with her boyfriend. We barely spoke for two months, and I'm not sure that I even regret it. I regret that it was a bit petty, but she actually hurt me by choosing her boyfriend over me. Prom was at the  end of June, and it was a great night! I wish that I'd made a bit more of an effort on the hair and makeup side (I think I underestimated the 'getting ready' time), but the night was good and I had so much fun talking and dancing and taking pictures in the photo booth with everyone! 

The most memorable part of July was my trip to Emsworth with my closest girlfriends. We had such a funny time, and the weather was so hot, so we stayed by the 'beach' most of the time! I wish that I had been a bit less reserved and self conscious on the trip; I admit, I have a 'cringe' issue - I think that I let the fear of doing something cringy or witnessing something cringy stop me from really having a good time, and I am going to try to stop that in this year. 

The beginning of August saw me venture to Cuba for a family holiday. I had such a great time, the hotel was beautiful and it was right on the beach, and I really enjoyed seeing all the hot foreign guys... ahem... I mean, going on a horse riding trip with the slowest horse alive. The rest of August consisted of me celebrating my GCSE results; me, mum and grandma cried when I got them(to be honest, I worked my butt off, I think I deserved them), and then working and seeing friends. I also went on my first day out in London without a parent to go shopping, and it felt awesome. 

In September I started Sixth Form doing English Literature, French, English Language and Geography. I quickly changed English Language to Philosophy and Ethics, a change which has definitely been for the better. I can honestly say that I love going to all of my lessons and I actually love learning all of the new things, especially in French ❤️ Hazel left for university at the end of September and despite the hellish ride up in the jam packed car, it is nice to see her go off on her own and have a great time, and I do miss her (only a bit). October was a bit of a blur. November was good and bad; school started up again and I was getting really involved with that, and I started to volunteer at a local Saturday school for French speaking children. I also made it onto the school council and became a prefect. Then I had the inevitable confrontation with Dad about his *lack* of parenting, which, after my in hysterics at the front door and a shouting match, ended with me hating his guts, and not wanting anything to do with him. 

December has definitely been the best month of the year. It started with a week long trip to Italy for a Comenius project, that was too incredible to even put into words. I made so many new friends, experienced the Italian culture in a big way and enjoyed the freedom of a 'grown up' school trip (and without paying for any of it!). It has given me wanderlust, in a big way. The trip was certainly the best thing that I did in 2013 and possibly ever.

The rest of December was a tad dull compared with Comenius, but I finished school with a stack of sheets and overdue work (...oops), and relaxed into a comfortable holiday mode. December also got me into house music, progressive house to be exact; it has always been something that I have hated, and now I actually really like it (especially Avicii and Martin Garrix)! Christmas was at the grandparents house, which was, as it usually is, stressful and yet boring at the same time, but I got some lovely presents (namely tickets to see You Me At Six from Hazel, which I may have cried at when I opened them... it was really sweet of her!). In the last few days of the year I finally upgraded my Toco Lite for a sleek S4, which I love, and I treated myself to an iPad mini (it payed for it with my earnings - I deserve it!). 

I partied the end of the year away with my friends, which turned out to be a hilarious evening and a pretty good start to 2014. 

2014, bring it on.

Thursday 2nd January: Fish

I have never really given fish more than a second's thought. However, I can still appreciate them.

I like most fish, especially the lurid, exotic ones, and the tiny ones. In Egypt I dived into a coral reef of a thousand colours and degrees of luminosity. My favourite was the chess piece fish of black face, white tail. I like regular fish too; on more than one occasion I have protected my guppies from the hungry cat.

Fish aren't a grand topic in England; fishing, maybe, but not fish. The fish probably couldn't handle the rivers near here. In somewhere like Japan, I imagine that fish is a lot more prized the food features fish more, too. The only thing I can think of when I hear 'fish is food' (besides the obvious fish and chips), is the fact that Cod could become endangered soon. Those guys have to tough it out.

Wednesday 1st January: Are you an optimist or a pessimist?

I like to think of myself an optimist in a pessimist's body. I would say that I'm somewhat of an pessimistic optimist. 

I catastrophise a lot; I make situations appear much worse than they are because my mind is a bit of a pessimistic runaway train. I complain an awful lot, but does that just make me a bitch rather than a pessimist? However, I try, whenever I can, to look at the alleged 'bright side' and to think about where I want to go instead of where I cannot go. If laughter is anything to go by, then I'm the most optimistic person alive; there hasn't been a week where a headache hasn't been brought on by laughing (if one has to be ill, may as we'll make happiness the reason).

In the old age 'glass half full or empty' scenario, I can see both ways (optical illusions and such don't usually work on me). I can see how the glass is half empty, but also half full. I think that I'd be more inclined to say that the glass is half full with liquid and half full with gass, therefore it is totally full.

Does that make me a realisticist(?) or just freaking optimistic (it is all full...) ?